Friday, 10 June 2011 21:01

Just Ask Me...Spoken: Lezbelib Advice Column - 'Raising Kids'

Written by  Spoken Pandora



Raising kids is hard enough. Mix in with that same sex parents fighting against society’s standards of the family unit, videos on crack that are slowly replacing Sesame Street and schools trying so hard to be politically correct about everything that they are failing to teach our kids anything; and you have complete and utter chaos. Everyone has an opinion on the best child rearing methods but unfortunately every kid is not the same and what works for some may not very well work for most.


Dear Spoken,

My partner and I have decided to have a child and we have done our fair share of research on the getting pregnant part. But we now find ourselves bumping heads on the proper way to raise a child. Some of our friends say that we are thinking about it too much but when is the right time to think about it? She believes in spanking and I am a time out type of girl. She likes the trendy baby attire while I lean towards the classics. She wants me to be a stay at home mom when I would rather find a good daycare (when the child is enough of course). And the madness goes on and honestly I wonder how it will all work out. Any advice?

-Soon to be Prego

Dear Prego,

First off please know that you are not having any conversations that new parents don’t have and I feel it is important to discuss these things before hand. People fail to realize that a good lover, partner, or friend doesn’t always make a good parent. I think it is just as important to know one’s relationship values as it is to know about their outlook on raising kids; especially if kiddies are in your future.

There are a lot of factors that play a role in how someone raises a child. These key elements need to be discussed. I was always told that a child either ends up like their parents or completely opposite. As I have gotten older I have realized that there is a little grey in there. We are products of our surroundings and even though we may have “made it out” we don’t forget what we made it out of. I say this to say that even without intending to we may exhibit behavior that we were exposed to and not all behavior is good behavior so it is important to discuss your upbringing and your outlook on raising kids as a result.

There are books, clubs, organizations, etc. that will have advice for you and I do believe that it is important to tap into these resources but at the same time you must do what is best for your child. And he or she is yours not Dr. Spock’s.

Every child is different and your discipline will differ as well. No-one is given a book on how to raise the perfect child. You have to do your best to teach and guide them. A child is a person not just an accessory to add to the family unit. Will you and your spouse work hard together in raising your child? Have you thought about financial security and future savings? Have you decided what happens if divorce occurs and speaking of which have you decided that your partner is the one and has she done the same with you? Why do you want to have a child? Why with her? Why now? Will she make a good mother/father or will you? Do you have love in our own relationship and enough love to offer another human being?

I don’t have a crystal ball and neither do you…do you? There will be moments of uncertainty, moments where you both are on opposite sides of the fence, and their will be moments of rainbows and ice-cream. If you are sure that she is the one and vice versa and you are mentally , financially, and emotionally ready to have a child then strap up your boots and join the ranks. This is your child; yours and hers. Remember this and have confidence in your ability as a unit to raise this child to the best of your ability.

I hoped I helped and keep me posted. And for the rest of you remember if you have a question I have plenty of answers. Just contact me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.