Published on Wednesday, 04 May 2011 19:18
Written by Jaclyn Bush
How many times have you had a partner for a while and there are things she does or does not do that drives you crazy? seriously, imagine having a dollar for every time you thought "I wish she would..." or "I wish she wouldn't..." ???
We spend a lot of time thinking shit like this in relationships. In the beginning she can be perfect, doin' no wrong, goin' about her time as wonderfully as anything you ever experienced,,, then all of a sudden you start noticing these wee things that start to eventually drive you nuts. They say that the things you absolutely love in the beginning are the things that drive you crazy in the end... how funny and yet how true.
Then the best part is they go on to someone else and all those things you wished they had done for you or for the relationship they are now doing with that new person! And we get all mad about it!! All the things we wanted, they do for someone else! What the F is that shit????
I guess if we get our collective heads out of our lesbian and bisexual asses we'd see that it's really just the natural progression of personal growth. Of course they are going to do all those tings with someone else. Who wants to make the same mistakes all the time? It is actually a credit to you that this ex now steps up and makes her new thing perfect...or better than it was with you. It's called learning.
My first gf, she was a huge red wine lover. I couldn't stand the smell of it let alone the taste of it. She would be so frustrated with me, so pissed that i wouldn't even try! And i wouldn't try. I was so sure I didn't like it that i just didn't go a step further to learn the tastes of red wine that would have thrilled her. I didn't do it for her. I only thought of me.
I asked her to go to Pride with me. She refused. She was closeted and didn't want to be on the news or out with a lot of other gay folks. Death by association so to speak.
So we break up after five or so years and go on to other women. I learn how great red wine is with P and she learns how fun it is to be at Pride with D. And how pissed we were at each other for not doing those things for us! How stoopid. Of course she should have gone to Pride with D. It meant her coming out of her self-imposed closet and getting out there and being free and unique and herself.
For me, of course i should grow, and learn and experience different things in wine. We both learned from our downfalls with each other that we could correct what didn't work and make it right with the next partner.
So if you see your ex doing something you absolutely begged her to do for you, and she is now happily doing that with someone else, try to put the "it's all about me" thang aside and be happy that there is now a period of growth. Lesbians can be so hard and bitter. It's hard to put aside those feelings of resentment. But dang, it is so healthy to do it for yourself.
Stop the "oh, great, NOW she f'ing does __________." Try to replace it with "As much as i wish X had ____________ with me, I am so happy that she at least is experiencing what it was I needed and wanted from her. At least there is growth in life and betterment, no matter which person she learns it with."
Better? oh yes!
Lesbians are the biggest promisers on the planet. We're always promising to this and that in new relationships. If one more woman tells me I am her soulmate, or the love of her life, I swear I will either retch or run screaming. Don't say that shit til you're in it for a long time.
Broken hearts really really suck. Cause some of us stoopidly believe that crap.
Well, we do!
So save that nice stuff for when it's real.
Crusin' down the highway of relationships!