We begin this episode with a round of what "Lexie/Avery Laundry Time Fun," a.k.a. doin' the dirrty while gettin' clean. April storms in and attempts to ruin the moment with her bitter virginal tirade, but the lovers cannot be so easily deterred. Ah, the honeymoon phase. Lucky bastards.
On to SGMW, where Alex has apparently decided to transition from hot peds (read: pee-ds, as in pediatrics) resident to alarmingly cheery hobo. Okay, maybe not, but really, what is that RV doing in the damn parking lot?! Bailey seems to be wondering the same thing when there's no room for her car. Alex is attempting to redefine hardcore (look out, Cristina Yang) but I think he's just crazy.
Meredith and Derek are busy evaluating the Chief's wife, Adele, to determine whether or not she is an appropriate candidate for the Alzheimer's trial. Everyone believes she's losing her mind, though she's lucid enough to ask why Mer and Der never got officially married, so there's got to be some sense to this woman. I'm sorry, but post-it does not legally married make. The scene closes with some lyrics from the song playing in the background, "Rumor has it he's the one I'm leaving you for." Either this is subliminally equating marriage with divorce or I'm just really over-thinking things today. Regardless, the Chief basically tells the post-it twins that if they don't make room for Adele in the trial, heads will roll.
Ultrasound time! Oh, Hot Lucy, How I have missed thee. And those purple gloves (purpical according to a friend of mine, but that's an entirely separate story). Callie's stomach looks pretty freaky, which leads me to believe that the baby will be an alien. Welcome to the world, Baby Torres-Robbins-Sloan, and what lovely tentacles those are! Apparently the ladies voted not to know the baby's sex before delivery day, and Mark is just itching to trick Hot Lucy into accidentally letting it slip. Hot Lucy, however, is much quicker than you'd expect for a woman who is currently falling for Alex, and keeps the secret. Callie is adorably excited about her baby shower and Arizona seems to lack the enthusiasm that he lady expects.
The residents are apparently stalking the Chief as they await his decree of who shall be chief resident. It warms my heart to see them all acting like panicked interns again. By the way, will there ever be a new class of interns? Hmm... The Chief tells them to back off and gives them his best "Daddy's not happy, so you'd better run" look, before storming off and leaving Bailey to hand down the scolding. Cristina, however, lets the warning pass directly over her head as she attempts to butter up her husband for any details the Chief may have given away during one of their "buddy-buddy" sessions. He denies her, but does compliment her beauty, to which Cristina responds, "Oh, screw beautiful, I'm brilliant! If you want to appease me compliment my brain!" You tell him, sister!
Derek's latest patient in the Alzheimer's trial is a woman named Sonia whose son, Tariq, is quite possibly one of the most adorable gay men I have ever seen. Also, if we all don't remember the words "truck, cabin, spoon" by the end of this season, does that mean we should go have our heads examined? Meredith asks Sonia about her holiday plans for the previous year and she get the answer wrong, according to her son. This does, however, supply us with the name of his boyfriend who he supposedly broke up with ages ago: Gavin. I smell something brewing, but it's not quite time for that just yet. The next test is to count backwards from 100 in intervals of 7. Um, excuse me, but what does it mean if someone, say, "a friend," is unable to do this at the ripe old age of 23? Just kidding! Totally kidding! Mostly...
Bailey and Avery give their patient a rundown of her condition after surgery and treatment, but her hubby gets a bit peeved listening to Avery (I guess it would make me a little angry if someone so young and pretty was treating my wife and knew more about her condition than I did, but cut the guy a break, it's his job!) so Eli decides to swoop in and save the day. Ruh roh, Bailey doesn't like the Zorro routine. Eli, you got some 'splainin to do!
Alex has a run-in with Stark who REALLY doesn't like him, so he is immediately dismissed, though Stark perks up drastically when April arrives at the nurses' station. I'm sorry, but this whole storyline just really creeps me out, so I'm going to do exactly what I do when I get hit on by the homeless man on the subway: pretend it's not happening and hope that it goes away on its own.
Teddy is called in on a case of a jogger who was found unconscious and, SURPRISE! it's her pseudo-except-not-really-pseudo husband! I suppose I should learn his name, huh? Sean? Sounds right to me! She points out the stupidity of him going for a jog in his condition, but not without first ordering Cristina to give him more morphine. Sharing is caring.
Off in what I would assume is usually the doctors' lounge Meredith and Cristina are helping to set up for Callie's baby shower. Mark is directing them where to put the table for the "scrapbook station" and I am getting a Franck flashback. Arizona protests that she wants to keep things simple, but Mark seems to disagree and tells her it's what Callie wants. Crazy pregnant women love cutesie stuff, duh! Isn't Arizona a pediatrician? She should know this already. Mark and Arizona snap at each other, just as Callie walks in, and somehow the entire argument culminates in the exclamation, "Oooh! We should have glitter pens!" I wish I could say this was the first time I've witnessed this particular conclusion, but I live in a very gay world, ladies.
Meredith walks up on Tariq as he's on the phone with Gavin (apparently they just broke up because Tariq decided Mommy was more important). Meredith explains to him that his mother needs a full-time guardian, so if there's a reunion in his future, he needs to let them know. The Tariq gives a lovely speech about how supportive his mother was when he came out and how she deserves nothing but the best from him, so that is what he plans on giving her. It wouldn't be Grey's Anatomy without a little LGBTQ PSA. Try saying that five times fast.
Bailey is explaining the Chief's experimental surgery to her patient when Eli jumps in and makes her look like she was trying to conceal the risks from said patient. This will not end well. Now Bailey is on the warpath, and Eli is directly in the center of her radar. Sorry, I saw Sucker Punch this weekend and now all I can see are automatic weapons and battle sequences. I don't recommend it. In fact, I highly recommend that you dig out your nerf guns and go have a grand old time running around outside pelting each other as an alternative to wasting $10 on a movie that was so bad it didn't even come close to qualifying as "so bad it's good". Wow, that was quite a tangent. I bet you're wondering how I'm going to circle back around, aren't you?
So was I. Instead, here's a non sequitur: Teddy is pretty! Okay, not news to anyone with eyes, but I think it bears repeating. The Chief and Cristina seem skeptical that Teddy will be able to operate on her own husband, so she reassures them that the arrangement is strictly business. To prove this, she hooks Henry (Right! Henry! Where did I get Sean? Truck, cabin, spoon. Well, at least there's that.) up to his monitors before his scan, and since he is so hopped up on pain killers he decides it's the right time to tell her that he wants to be with her. Oh boy. Unfortunately, both Cristina and the Chief are able to hear this confession, and Papa looks pissed! Teddy tells the Chief that Henry is just high and didn't mean it and that even if he did, she does not feel the same, though it sounds more like she's trying to convince herself than her boss. The Chief decides that Teddy is too close to the situation to legally be allowed to operate on Henry, so Cristina volunteers. Win-win?
Oh, the onesies. And the flowers. And the streamer measuring tape. Who forced Arizona to wear a tiara? She is off in a corner with Mark whining about the ridiculousity of traditions like this one and how all bridesmaids want to kill the bride. So, if it's a lesbian wedding, does that mean double-homicide? Oy. Callie drags Arizona into the fun and games, and she begrudgingly obliges her lady, as the amazingly supportive partner that she is.
Lexie and Mark have a nice, awkward moment that I'm certain we've all experienced with an ex in the past. You know, the kind that makes you want to crawl under the nearest table and hide until she leaves? Just me? Liars. Meanwhile, Alex is pilfering some pastries and living up to his new-found hobo reputation.
The residents are gathered around a table decorating onesies with puffy paint (is that stuff non-toxic?) and discussing the grossness of Stark and April while I hold my ears and sing "Mary Had a Little Lamb" until their lips stop moving. Cristina is, of course, drawing an anatomically correct picture of a human heart, Lexie uses the much-anticipated glitter pens to adorn her onesie with a cherry pie, and Meredith dumps a bunch of paint on hers that will likely not dry fully until the kid in in college. Alex's onesie is, perhaps, the cutest because he makes it into teeny tiny scrubs. Lexie and Avery prove to be entirely unable to keep their hands to themselves (adorable! Now stop it. No, seriously. It's not fair.) and, unbeknownst to them, Mark takes notice.
The Chief stops by Derek's office to ask for his help on his Diabetes trial, and slip in a not-so-subtle "hint" about Adele becoming a patient in the Alzheimer's trial. An argument ensues, imbued with ethical dilemmas and legal complications, and just as it looks like a good time to make popcorn, Bailey breaks the boys up with unsettling news of the Chief's patient. Because of her decline, the Chief decides to push forward with the experimental procedure without hearing back from the FDA about a waiver. This could potentially endanger the future of the entire trial, but the Chief is in hero mode and cannot be swayed. Cue the dramatic music, aaaaaaand commercial. Though, I'm certain, you all saw different advertisements, mine is for some body wash or another and stars Jenny Garth, who was my first lady love in my young years of 90210 obsession. Oh, to be 6 again.
Teddy tells Henry that she won't be able to operate, but evades any questions about her feelings for him. There's still hope! Next up, Hot Lucy asks Meredith why Alex is such a jerk, and she fills in a few of the blanks with tales of crazy ex's, cancer, and a bullet to the chest. Come to think of it, this guy has put up with a LOT from women. Mayhaps he deserves a little slack. Hot Lucy seems to think so, too. Yay!
Gay boy drama! Tariq's mother wants to leave the trial so that her son has a chance to have a love-filled life with Gavin. She proves her competence and that she knows what she is sacrificing in order for her son to be happy. A mother's love is a beautiful thing.
Cristina is operating on Henry and Teddy is freaking out. There is yelling, furrowing of brows, and then a "thank you." Oh, right, and some medicine, too. The Chief leaves his surgery to find Derek and tell him that even if he has ruined his Diabetes trial or loses his medical license for operating without FDA approval, he will find a way to get Adele into the Alzheimer's trial. Derek informs him that there is a spot open. Lovely when things work out so well...or do they? Adele doesn't want to be in the trial because she doesn't believe she's ill, but says she will go through the evaluation for her husband because she loves him.
Mark and Arizona are arguing again and Callie comes to make things all better. Luckily this time she dismisses Mr. Baby-Daddy and gives Arizona a gift: a weekend away at a bed and breakfast. Adorable, but these doctors hardly ever see patients when they're at the hospital, let alone a few hours away! Arizona accepts, and we get another almost unbearably cute moment from our favorite sapphically-inclined mommies to be, complete with a shot of a onesie that reads, "I <3 my mommies". All together, now: Awwwwwwww!
Turns out Adele can't be a part of the trial because she scored above the range required of patients...by one point. I understand the Chief's outrage, but there's a guideline for a reason, and they have to reject Adele. Meredith runs through a list of the questions Adele got wrong, and I think they were grading on a curve, because those seem to be pretty important questions! I think they should've been worth more than, say, "What color is the sky?" Adele breaks down in the Chief's arms and Meredith and Derek look like children who've been sent to time-out.
Teddy is listening to Henry's heart (pun intended) and he, once again, confesses his love for her. She tells him to stop, but do we really think she wants him too? I'd like to know what you think. I think they're being set up for a sequel to the Denny storyline. I hope I'm only half right.
Eli stops Bailey on her way out to tell her that, although there are protocols inside the hospital, they do not translate to the bedroom. He uses some very heterosexist, antiquated, patriarchy-bolstering language that makes the women's studies major inside me cringe, but here's the rub: I just love Chandra Wilson's smile so much that this kid is okay in my book for evoking it so often. Oh, goody, a new love-hate relationship. Just what I need.
In other parking lot news Hot Lucy has taken it upon herself to woo Alex, since she's sick of him being gun-shy and obnoxious. She grabs a beer, plops down on a cooler, and kisses him. I like this girl's style.
At La Casa de Shepherd the kids are bickering again. Seriously, do Meredith and Derek REALLY want more mouths to feed? April and her bitter, still virginal self, once again interrupts Lexie and Avery having a good time, but instead of backing down, she squeezes herself onto the couch with her big bowl of popcorn to watch "From Here to Eternity," successfully killing the mood and forcing the lovers to relocate. Hey, at least they both have beds! And floors! And walls, and...sorry, what were we talking about?
Cristina and Owen are having pizza when Owen drops the bomb that the Chief asked him to take over making the decision of who will be chief resident. Cristina jumps for joy, and then lands on disappointment. I don't know how, but Sandra Oh always seems to be able to make these little, neurotic tirades more adorable than a baby bunny. Must be a lesbian thing. We all know how to do it and it helps ease us into the crazy instead of making us run for the hills.
FINALLY, we get some closing time with our ladies. They're on the way to the B&B and can't seem to fully get away from work (by the way, am I the only one who got a Bette/Jodi trip to Big Bear flashback here?) or Mark, who is freaking out over Lexie and Avery. The ladies argue over Mark's involvement (read:monopoly) in their lives and then Arizona proposes. Wait, whaaaat? I love Jessica Capshaw and Arizona Robbins is adorable in everything she does, but mayhaps this wasn't the best way to propose? Especially because longing, loving looks take concentration away from the road. Wait, the road! They're driving! Oh no! We all know what's about to happen, but screaming at the tv doesn't seem to be doing anything. Damn you, Shonda Rhimes.
That's it for this week, kittens. Next week is the musical episode and I am BEYOND excited for three reasons:
1) I LOVE Sara Ramirez's voice. Seriously, have you heard her version of Silent Night?!
2) I LOVE Brandi Carlile's music, in every shape and form ever to be invented.
3) I. LOVE. MUSICALS.