I found out this week that I get to keep my seasonal job. They moved me to part time.
I love this job for many reasons: I get to help people, answer questions, become more knowledgeable, and basically just have a job, which is always good.
One of my favorite things about this job though is the internal policy which bars discrimination of all kinds, including based on sexual orientation and gender identity.
After figuring out that the Microsoft Word on my new computer has not been activated, here we go. I wanted to talk about the holidays. They aren't quite over yet. We still have New Year's. Happy holidays to everyone, by the way.
Any opportunity for presents for a genderqueer individual presents a dilemma, so birthdays and the holidays. Mine just happen to occur within the same time frame. Being a Christmas baby is fun. Anyway, gifts are tricky. Although it shouldn't be this way, almost all commercial products are gendered, including clothes, bath products, and toys, typical holiday gifts. All products are geared toward a certain individual. That is how they are sold: to a target audience.
Throughout our lives, we are burdened with labels, whether they are self-made or the creations of others. Within the LGBT community, they are especially prominent. There are bears, lipstick lesbians, bois, butch, femmes, baby dykes, studs. Even lesbian, gay, and bisexual are labels. I have been thinking a lot about labels lately as I try to identify myself. I have come to a few conclusions.
My mom told me last week that she thinks I am transgender. I came home for a while, not feeling my best and wanting to be close to my family, and she started the conversation. I was not the one to tell her about my gender identity issues, and I wish I had been, because I wasn’t quite ready for that discussion. I wasn’t comfortable with it yet, not comfortable with what my issues mean for the people around me, especially when I am unsure of myself.
As I sit here thinking of what to write, I’m a little clueless. I want to be profound. I want to affect people. I want to be an example, someone to trust and to ask questions. But I also feel like I have no right to be that person yet because I haven’t figured out who I am.