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Friday, 29 April 2011 20:05

Just Ask Me...Spoken : Lezbelib Advice Column - Anal Sex

Written by  Spoken Pandora

couch_3The week has come and is now almost gone. While many of us our planning out weekend rendezvous and escapades, some of us are planning the next move in our relationships, bedroom excursions, and/or dating lives. And this is where I come in. Why ask your single friends what to do in your relationship? You’re interrupting their playtime with your drama.

Instead, why don’t you come, lay your head on my couch, and spill all. There’s no question too big or small that Spoken won’t answer.



Dear Spoken, 

My girl just informed me that she wants anal sex. Now look I like it just as much as the next person but not necessarily in my “one way” zone. How do I politely tell her I really prefer not to without getting her mad?


One Way


My Dearest One Way, 

How do you know you don’t like it? Have you tried it…? (Joking) Listen different strokes for different folks. I never blame anyone for not being into the same kinks as me. But you aren’t me and neither is your partner. So how do you handle this? First things first you must be honest. I am a firm believer that conveying your needs, wants, and intents is the key to a successful union. Always be prepared for her reaction, just as you want open ground to speak your truth so does she.

In discussing why you don’t like it with your partner you may find the root to your apprehension and in turn solve the issue while meeting both your needs – hers to get “into” your “one way” and your need to please her.

Some are oppose to this method of sexual intercourse because of the pain it implies. This is her opportunity to show you the soft loving side of this “position”. Some things that will help this entry are: lying on your side and her slowly working “it” in with lubes or using a smaller sized plug, dildo, or vibrator. Do your research; there are several positions that will aid in insertion, making it more pleasurable for you both. She can also try talking you through it and massaging around the anal area to get your muscles to relax, which will in turn lessen the discomfort during insertion. You two can even try doing a few test runs to help widen the hole to get yourself use to the feeling. I stress, RELAX. If you do decide to let her venture through your unknown you will need to relax in order to enjoy it.

After all is said and done maybe you just don’t want to try it at all and this is okay too. Just be honest and upfront. If you have a loving and understanding partner you two can work through this and you won’t feel degraded or obligated to doing it or not doing it.

Keep me posted and let me know if this helps………


Lezbelib is the online magazine that helps LGBTQ+ women to stay updated with entertaining blogs and breaking news about LGBT rights.