Monday, 24 January 2011 02:02

Just Ask Me...Spoken: Lezbelib Advice Column - BDSM

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Friday night I found myself headed for Myrtle Beach. I got a wild hair up my ass and craved desperately for peace and quiet and the only place I know that can calm my thoughts is the beach. It's something about the sound of the waves crashing on top of one another that ease my wild spirit. 

Standing on the balcony of my tenth floor room and watching the moonlight dance on the surface of the ocean lead to me craving to write. So I slipped into my favorite pink and black knee socks and an ex's old sweatshirt and pulled out the laptop.

As I’m writing away my phone frantically starts vibrating disturbing my glass of red wine. My first thought was to turn it off but instead I decided to read the text. Which lead to me checking my email and reading not one but several letters from some of my readers.

Just know my sweets that I will never leave you hanging...at least not for too long...

Spoken,

Last night I found tons of porno mags under my lovers bed. I wasn't snooping just cleaning when I came across them. It wasn't so much of the fact that it was porn but it was the type of porn that alarmed me. They were filled with bondage, rape fantasies, and a whole bunch of other stuff that I didn't even know she was in to. I mean the sex is good and although we may get inventive at times our sex life hasn't gone to the extent of what was contained in those mags. This morning I found myself looking at them in disbelief and I have no idea what to say to her if anything at all. I mean does she expect me to do that shit? Is she thinking about that stuff when we're in bed? What is going on? SOS HELP...SEND OUT THE RESCUE TEAM!!!!!

Sweetie listen there is nothing wrong with porn. Not even kink on that level. It seems like your mate has an interest in BDSM. BDSM for my "vanilla" readers stands for Bondage and Discipline, Domination and Submission, and Sadism and Masochism. Because of the derogatory attention this lifestyle has gotten it is not uncommon to find that those who are involved in these things hide the fact until they are around others who share the same interest.

The fact that your lover has not shared this with you tells me this, 1. she is unsure of how you will react, 2. it may excite her but she is unsure to what extent she wants to be involved in it, and 3. there’s a side of her you don't know but need to get to know.

I am big on communication. Talk to her. Tell her what you found and start asking questions. But don't use the b.s. that you stumbled across it cleaning. I don't even believe that. Another thing you got up this morning and you picked up the magazines? I think your lover isn't the only one who maybe interested in this alternative sexual lifestyle.

Look the world is full of people who choose to screw in other positions besides missionary. I think if I tried to list all of the kinks that are out there I would still be sitting here years from now writing. There is nothing wrong with trying something new and exploring. There is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with fetishes, kink, edge-play, etc.

For your own benefit if you want to do your research before you approach her please do. But remember for every book, link, blog, and magazine you will find that talks about BDSM in a favorable way you will find two more that down the whole way of life. So be open minded. Sit down with your mate and pull out the magazines. Don't jump down her throat and don't make her feel awkward. You do that and she will shut down and pull away from you.

Yes I think that she thinks about these things but if she appears to be satisfied during your love making she might just be. But you won't know if you don't ask. Who knows maybe you are tripping for nothing and she is holding the magazines for a friend...lol But I doubt it.

Relax and have fun...I think you’re heading for a lot of long nights...drink your Red Bull...

Her goes. My girlfriend of over a year refuses to go down on me even though she always promises me that she will. I seem to be the only one buried underneath the sheets. Hell I want to join in the festivities too. It's pissing me off and I'm starting to get lock jaw...what happened to do unto others as you would have them do unto you? 

Lol...well my love you can't make her do anything. But you can find out why she won't. She obviously is just telling you she will to pacify you and to keep you giving it to her. But thats one sided and not fair to you. Put your foot down. She has a choice, be up front and tell you what is really going on or have her head receiving privileges revoked.

It's about that time chickies....I'm signing off.

Nighty night...