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Saturday, 23 April 2011 18:16

Just Ask Me...Spoken: Lezbelib Advice Column - 'Dominant Woman'

Written by  Spoken



As the seasons come and go, we began to feel not only a change in the weather but a turning of the tide within our relationships. I am sure that once upon a time loving a lesbian was simply that, just loving her. Now lesbians come in as many personalities as flavors of ice cream and like snowflakes no two are alike. Because the vast amount of titles, roles, and expectations we began to enter a whole new realm of difficulties in regards to relationship dynamics.

Luckily I am well versed in many areas of lesbian love so matter what your vice, identity, or plight, I can help.

Dear Spoken,

I have been stopping by on and off to read your articles and I find them very interesting and sometimes bizarre, but none the less very enjoyable. Okay so now I find myself in the same dilemma as your readers, so here goes. My wife identifies as a femme while I am a stud. Everything about her is feminine and when you see her there is no question “who” she is. However she has dominant qualities that emerge on any given day. By heritage she is a dominant woman and so I feel that she is simply made this way. However my friends have issues about it and they talk about it so much that I wonder if I should be concerned. I mean she’s not taking out trash, fixing cars, or killing bugs, she is a lady with a little bulldog built in.

Should I be concerned…

Dear Concern,

First and fore most it doesn’t matter what your friends think. They aren’t screwing her, married to her, or living with her so who are they to dictate what it is you do and do?

It is so ironic that you sent this question because I had the pleasure of spending time with a couple this weekend, that is exactly as you described. As we talked and interacted I watch the way they fed off of each-other.

One of the mistakes we make in relationships is not taking the time to get to know our partner. I am talking about going beyond where she was born, where she went to school, or her bra size. We need to really study our mates. See how they react to things. Find out what makes their heart beat and their soul smile.

I say this to say when you are in-tune with your mate to the point that you can feel when she is sad, angry, happy, or feeling frisky from just being in her presence, it makes it easier to know when to give and take. When we are talking about relationships in which there are distinctive roles however at times others emerge, it is important to not only “know” your mate but also when you allow her freedom to exhibit a personality different from her norm.

There is a difference when we are talking about femmes you wake up one morning and decide to hone their inner stud, AG, dominant, whatever you call it. We are talking about aggressive femmes who by all means are every sense of the word femme.

You also mention that by heritage she is dominant. This is important. I believe that women are strong by nature even when they think they are not. No matter race, color, or creed, we have always had to fight. Mix this with a dominant race its on….

These women have great business sense. They know when you to step back and when to step forward. They are protective, sexy, elegant, and string. The only difference between aggressive femmes and femmey girls is that you can hear their bark from afar. These women don’t necessarily wear boys’ clothes, or strap up, or even hold their crotch. They walk with class and kick [email protected]#.

Ultimately Concerned, it is you who has to make the decision of what’s right for you. That’s really what it boils down to. I would money on the fact that you think her aggressiveness is sexy and you respect her for not taking bull.

So honey I hope this has helped.

Keep me posted and enjoy your love…she sounds like a keeper

Okay lovelies it’s that time again, if you have questions I have the answer…contact me.


Lezbelib is the online magazine that helps LGBTQ+ women to stay updated with entertaining blogs and breaking news about LGBT rights.