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Saturday, 26 February 2011 15:55

Just Ask Me...Spoken: Lezbelib Advice Column - Love

Written by  Spoken Pandora



I have been thinking a lot lately about life, direction, the state of affairs in our community, and my ability to go from one closet to another. During my mental overload I received a letter that helped to make me remember the simple things. Those little things that mean the most but are often overlooked.

I have talked about the all forms of drama that plaque us; sex, cheating, threesomes, dating, etc. Today I want to focus on what matters - love. I want to thank the person who sent me this question and offer my sincere hope that through my advice she will see the light through her darken forest.

So grab your coffee, open up that new pack of cigs, and fall into my couch and remember that I will answer any and all that come my way so send your questions to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

Dear Spoken,

I have been with my partner for a little over a year. During this time I have learned so much about her from her highs to her very low lows. I love her. In her I see strength and weakness and I want to protect her, love her, and take away her pain. When she is doing what she loves and is successful at it she can't see the ground but when a monkey wrench is thrown into her plans she takes it hard. I of course am there by her side, but sometimes I feel like it isn't enough. I hate to see her cry and I hate that I can't make it go away. Recently she lost her job and she is taking it hard. She is up and down all the time, can’t sleep, barely eating, and she feels like she has lost her will to strive. What do I do?

I want to be her knight in shining armor but she is having a hard time seeing me through her tears. I am working so we will be okay and we have gone through worse. I know that she will find something. I need her to know this.


The Lone Knight

Dear Knight,

I know what she is going through. There are things in our lives that we hold on to. That thing that we need in order to feel balanced and complete. When this thing is taken from us it throws us into a tailspin and our past successes are thrown out the window.

When you talk about her being really low it reminded me of myself. When I fall I fall hard and feel exposed and no matter how much people tell me it will be okay I still feel like it won’t be. For one I and I alone control my future and if I can't make my way out of the bed then how will it change.

You want to know what to do? Keep doing what you are doing and just be there. Just because she falls and you run to her side and she still is hurting doesn’t mean your chivalrous act has gone unrecognized. Believe me it matters. Your need and want to make her happy and save her matters.

You have seen her at her worse, you have seen her naked, you have seen her "truth". And you are probably the only one that gets her.

I also suggest a few things:

1. Take her on a trip for a couple of days, just get away. No cell phones, no internet, no friends. Go to the beach or mountains and let her clear her mind.

2. Make her write on an index card a quote of encouragement and place it on the bathroom mirror so she sees it every time she looks at it.


3. Watch movies of encouragement. Even cartoons can be inspiring to someone who has lost their will. Marley and Me, The Madear Series, The Bucket List, Meet the Robinsons, Because of Winn Dixie. Fried Green Tomatoes, etc. Some of these are unconventional but will make you think about those simple things we forget and will in turn offer encouragement.


4. Have her talk to a professional. It doesn't mean you're crazy but an outside professional take on her current issues can help her see what she can't right now.


5. Have her take on a hobby. Painting whether she paints or not can help her release her sadness. Yoga is so relaxing even to the most uptight and novice. Exercising of any type is a great outlet. Journaling is a great outlet and will allow her a quiet place to vent.


6. Do what you are doing - love her and remind her why you do.

She will make it through this and she knows that. She has just forgotten. Remind her...often.

Well I hope I have helped. Please keep me posted.


This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.



Lezbelib is the online magazine that helps LGBTQ+ women to stay updated with entertaining blogs and breaking news about LGBT rights.