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Sunday, 06 March 2011 04:53

Just Ask Me...Spoken: Lezbelib Advice Column - Love Or Friendship

Written by  Spoken Pandora


Hello my lovelies, how have you been?

My apologies for the delay with this week’s column… technical difficulties with cyberspace…you know how it goes.

Thank goodness for the weekend, this week has been a doozy and from some of the letters I’ve been getting I can put my money on the fact that I am not the only one who has had a trying week. So with that being said, let’s jump right in.

And as usual remember if you have a question you would like me to answer feel free to drop me a line at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..


Last week a met this chic that completely took my breath away. The thing is that I have no idea if she is gay or not. And hell I’m gay so sometimes I tend to assume that everyone is…lol. I don’t know how to approach her to even ask the question. But there is something about her and even though we met as simply friends with the possibility of becoming “just friends” I would rather have the possibility of getting close to her to become more. What to do…what to do…


Lol… My Dearest Sprung,

This can be a tricky thing. I’m a writer and by definition I am an emotional person. I mention this because I do not believe in the whole timing thing regarding attraction. Sometimes you meet a woman and you just know that you would like to become better acquainted on more than a friend level. It could be her perfume, her hair, her style, that little tattoo that disappears down her neck. Regardless of what “it” is, you’re attracted. So that part is cool.

Now as far as not knowing if she is or isn’t, there are only two ways to handle this:

1. Ask her if she is and risk losing a friendship if she isn’t but is homophobic in which case you don’t need her as a friend anyway


2. Wait and see what happens.


In either case get to know her and really find out if this is someone you want to spend your time with. It may not be a match from heaven but a great friendship could come out of it.

Time for one more?

Dear Spoken,

I’m in a relationship, but it isn’t going good. There is a girl who is interested me and I must admit she is definitely a cutie. My best friend knows about this “other woman” and knows that me and my current partner are having issues and what does she do? She goes and starts talking to the “other woman” like she has no clue that I’m kind of digging her…wtf and what to do…



First off let me start off by stating that in no way do I condone cheating and at the same time I am a realist and know that shit happens.

If your relationship is suffering in a bad way then either fix it or leave it alone. The worst thing you could ever do to your partner and yourself is to stay in a place where you are unhappy. If by chance you do find someone else you cannot have a proper relationship with them if you are already hitched. That wouldn’t be fair to you, your partner, and the newbie.

I do think it is natural to be attracted to another woman while being partnered, but just because you’re feeling the itch doesn’t mean you should scratch it. You really need to sit down and focus. Figure out what you want to do with your current relationship. DO NOT add drama to something that’s already a soap opera. Longing for another is sometimes the product of unhappiness and may not be true attraction at all. Just remember sweets that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side…

I do love my beautiful lezzies, we’re catty, possessive, and full of “it”…lol

My first guess is that your friend is fucking with you by showing you what she has the ability to do and you don’t. In turn it’s screwing with you even more because now you want something that is even further out of your reach. (What is it with shiny thing us girls can’t resist…)

I also believe that you can’t always tell everyone your business. It’s like the classic scenario of telling your best friend how good your girl is in bed and then wondering why they try to sleep with her…duh- that’s corn-fed stupid…lol

You are really at a disadvantage because as long as you’re balled and chained your hands are tied. And your friend could be showing you this fact by going after what you think you want and really can’t have right now.

So my final answer…Handle what you have at home before you try to jump the fence…

Thanks everyone for the questions and I hope I helped. Stay tuned for my next installment of Just Ask Me…Spoken and hit me up if you need me to fix or life or just add more shish to it…lol This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.



Lezbelib is the online magazine that helps LGBTQ+ women to stay updated with entertaining blogs and breaking news about LGBT rights.