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Friday, 21 January 2011 01:35

Just Ask Me...Spoken: Lezbelib Advice Column - Not Intimate In A While

Written by  Spoken Pandora


Hello Lovelies, Have you missed me?

Well I have missed you, but luckily I have had all of your letters to keep me company. There's nothing better than curling up on my weathered couch with a fresh caramel macchiato in hand, a ciggy, and your words to comfort me as this damn snow beats down on my windows.

For those of you who are new to my column heres the skinny...

I am here to answer all of your questions - no matter how big, small, naughty, or crazy. Wife cheating, write me. Boss wants to see if he can turn you straight, write me. Being abused but too deep in love to care, write me. Find yourself standing at the edge of that cliff begging for a reason to jump or not, please write me.

So let's get started...shall we?


I'm a dominant female who takes care of her woman. I was raised that way, can't help it. I spoil my current girlfriend with any and everything she asks for but when we fight she throws it in my face like it means nothing. Is she even worth my "riches" or should I move on to someone else who will appreciate me.

We haven't even been intimate in a while and I'm not only feeling unappreciated but I am also feeling neglected and I'm starting to get these urges. But I would never cheat, that's something I wasn't raised to do. But every man has a breaking point and I'm one step away from walking out of the door.

Help me please!!!!

Two steps


Listen, first things first. Stop doing what you do so she can see what it feels like to not have. See I have this theory, people only do what you allow them to do and enjoy finding out just how far they can go. If I was her, why would I change if I could break you down and you would turn the other cheek each time with a Tiffany's box in hand.

It would be easy for me to say leave her but you obviously love her and I fear that if ou leave before you are ready you will just go back.

Communicate with her but also grow some balls. No one respects a wimp. But I don't think you're wimpy at all I think you're in love but you should never sacrifice yourself for an emotion.

Aside from telling her how you feel, cutting her off, and taking a stand, we need to address this sex thing. Although sex isn't everything it's a large part of things and if you are not sexually satisfied you will eventually seek someone to fill that void and that isn't good. Again I say communicate. You’re her partner not her puppet and you have needs just as she.

And another thing, I think you need to start looking at your relationship with a fine tooth comb. Things are changing find out why. If you don't ask the question you won't get an answer.

Suggest going out on a date, dress up, go to a place you haven’t been to in a while, and end the evening with a romantic rendezvous in a secluded area and make love to her as if this was your last time. Show her your pain, show her your love, and show her you. Call me in the morning...

Im on a about another question...a quickie but goodie

Miss Lady,

So my girl comes out of the blue and asks if she can use a strap on me. Now I'm all for the "freaky" but I wear the strap in this house!!!! What do I do because she doesnt seem to be letting it go...

Exit Only

Well Exit Only,

This is a touchy one. First I want to say you like what you like and if you've put a sign on your snatch then that's just what it is. Now I do feel that you should have a talk with her and ask her where this sudden urge to change places is coming from. It may be more than kink. She could possibly have an inkling to test the waters from your side of the river. In which case this is a topic that should be address.

I think that when we enter relationships we do so with masks, not revealing who we are completely and sometimes this happens because we are unsure ourselves of whom exactly we are. Ask the questions...Has she done it before? What interests her about it? Why now and with you? Did she see it in a movie? Did her friends mention it? What turns her on about it?

Maybe through this you will get to the root of what is really going on and find an alternative sex game in the process.

I'm open minded when it comes to sex. But there are just some things I can't bring myself to do and I feel that my partner has to respect that if she claims to love me. I also think that sometimes we need to change it up and maybe what she really wants is to ignite a fire in the bedroom. Give her a match but pick the accelerant together.

Well my pretties, I'm going to call it a night.

Keep those letters coming... This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.



Lezbelib is the online magazine that helps LGBTQ+ women to stay updated with entertaining blogs and breaking news about LGBT rights.