Friday, 18 March 2011 23:49

Just Ask Me...Spoken: Lezbelib Advice Column - Panting For Another Chic

Written by 

Another week has come and gone and I find myself once again in my favorite place, on my couch and reading letters with, yes you guessed it, a nice cup of caramel macchiato and a freshly lit ciggy. This week has been a doozy hasn’t it? With increasing gas prices and tragedy in Japan and along our coast I am starting to listen to the crazies on the street warning us to pay attention to the signs.

Please remember to take a moment of silence for those that are being made to endure these tough times and for those souls that have been called back home.

And don’t fret my lovelies, as long as I have computer access I will be right here waiting for your letters and answering them every Friday.

You know how it goes… If you got questions…send them to spoken@lezbelib.com.

Spoken,

Here is my dilemma. I am currently involved with one chic and find myself panting for another. Simple right? Hell no!!! I am trying to do the right thing by not going after my crush but it’s hard because we work together and it seems like the more I try to stay away the closer she seems to get in my space. Now we have just been assigned to work on a project together which means long nights, shared lunches, and early morning meetings. And I’m starting to think that my partner knows that something is going on because she seems to be stand offish every time I mention my co-worker. It could be just me but I wouldn’t know because I’m too caught up in trying to pretend that everything is fine and I may be missing the obvious. My partner is really good to me and good for me. We have been together for many years and I feel happy. I mean I’ve seen nice looking women before but none have ever turned my head and then here comes my co-worker and I can’t stop thinking about her. The sex is good before you even ask but I must admit that I am slowly starting to think about my co-worker there to. I have no freaking clue about what to do. Can you shed some light; suggest a 12 step program, anythinggggggg!!!!!

Sweetheart listen, first off there is a 12 step program for everything and I am sure if we search hard enough we can find one to fit your issue. But you don’t need one. I think it is natural for someone to catch your eye but just because they do doesn’t mean you should fall for the temptation. I do suggest that you take a look at your relationship and see where it is lacking. The seven year itch does exist and it doesn’t always take seven years to surface.

Of course your partner knows something is up. Partners become extensions of us and when the balance is off they can feel it.

Check yourself and don’t let this school girl crush ruin something that it shouldn’t. You are probably paying too much attention to your co-worker and if so it will show whether you want it to or not and the more you try and hide it the more evident it will become.

I do believe that you can’t break up a happy home so it is time you do a personal inventory of yourself, your partner, and the relationship. Are your needs being met and if not have you shared this with your mate? Communication, communication, and yes communication. I preach it constantly. How does she know what you want and need if you don’t know or don’t share?

Sometimes it’s the excitement of someone new or doing something that you shouldn’t. Don’t fall for it. As much as I am into kink, fetishes, and everything in between, I do not in any way condone cheating. Cheating is a fickle thing. You never feel bad until you get caught and in the end it causes more hurt than excitement making the experience far less than worth it.

Bottom line sweets, if it’s broke fix it. Fixing may lead to going separate ways or putting a new twist on an old relationship. Dust off the tricks you use to pull out of your little bag and revive your union. But do not throw in the towel and step out of the relationship without trying to work on “home”.

Do you really want to leave your spouse? Because if you step out on her this is what you will be doing. At some point and time we must take responsibility for our actions. You cannot blame her if you have done nothing to repair the holes in the relationship.

Keep me posted and keep it in your pants except for when you are with wifey of course.

Hey Spoken , you kind of touched on this subject before but not in this context. My stud just admitted to me that she has consider trans-gendering, FTM. I believe that everyone should be who they are and I know that she hasn’t undergone the process because of what people will think. I asked her the other night what she thought her parents would think and she said that they would disown her. I was like damn. I am there for her but I am also thinking about how this will affect her. I don’t know how I would react if my family disowned me and I have heard so much about how FTMs are outcast in the rainbow. So this means we will be battling everyone. I have made it up in my mind to support her so I don’t need help with that. Just wondering about your opinion on this whole thing.

A True Ride or Die Chick

Chick,

Thanks for contacting me. It seems like you have already read my article about dating a FTM but just in case please check it out as it has several resource links in it.

Knowledge is power and I suggest that you and your partner research this subject together. It would be good for her to know what she is getting into and it would be good for you to know the same for yourself and her. Check out Transgender support groups in your area, you will need this support. Also you two need to talk until you are blue in the face. Address what this change will mean for both of you. From your jobs, to your families, kids, future kids, neighborhood, etc.

Your decision of what to do should not be based on the outside world but you need to factor the world in because in some ways you will be battling it and you need to be prepared. During her transitioning she will have to undergo therapy amongst other things which I think is important because ultimately this decision is hers. I feel like she told you this because she trusts and loves you a whole hell of a lot. She believes that you will be there. But this cannot be her sole reason for doing this. Nothing is promised although we would like it to be so her decision cannot be based on your relationship alone. To add to this you need to be aware of what you will go through. This is not her simply dressing like a boy, this is her changing everything and transforming into a male. This will be emotional, trying, and beautiful at the same time.

I stress getting support, arming yourself with knowledge, and communicate with each-other constantly. If you love her, love her fully. Love her for who she is, who she wants to be, and who she will become.

There are a plethora of support groups, agencies, associations, medical professionals, and legal resources that will help you both on this journey to come. Again check out my past article and visit the sources listed. They will lead to extensive lists of information and support.

I commend you for embarking on this journey. Please keep me posted and I am always here…Always

Well lezzies, that’s my time. Lots of kisses and I’ll be back soon.