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Sunday, 10 June 2012 00:00

Lesbian Dealmakers & Deal-Breakers

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Dearest Sappho,

Do you have a handy list of lesbian deal breakers that could guide some decision making for women who are temporarily blinded by love?

Can’t see the Future

Dearest Can’t See the Future,

We all have our own qualifying expectations for true love, marriage, dating, or even just friendship. As you get older, you tend to look at the person as a whole and no one thing becomes a deal breaker. No one is perfect all the time it is just a matter of the dealmakers out-weighing the deal breakers. Any one that evokes your love is a gift from the universe, and possibly the opportunity to change your fate or destiny. Even limerence is not to be ignored, as it is a huge clue to your heart’s desire.

Cheapness and arrogance were the number one deal breakers in many of the relationship forums for lesbians, followed immediately by someone who loves to test me and piss me off for fun, I don't like being pushed to do anything I don't want to do. Following a close third was any serious addiction VS women who don't drink alcohol or who drink too much alcohol. I recently had a good friend tell me that her ex had a more intimate relationship with her cigarettes than she ever had with her or with anyone else for that matter.

I was surprised that no lesbians mentioned the exclusion of bisexuals or gender specifications in the forums I read. Perhaps that is because being accepting or non-judgmental was close to the top of dealmakers while being judgmental and close-minded made others very uncomfortable, but not as uncomfortable as being pushed or bossed around. Cheap people who are also arrogant, lack respect for others who seem to be in socially inferior positions, including the wait staff, the helpers, and worker bees, or animals, are not to be ignored. It shows in women who value others as less and makes others think that they will be next.

As an emotionally mature woman I am looking for spiritual and political consciousness as a hallmark in friends and lovers. I may believe in a higher power but not the same one Republicans or Conservative Fundamentalists embrace as the ONLY way. Women who are emotionally immature or fear intimacy are women who may still currently live with their ex lovers, currently unloved lovers, or parents. They won’t be there for you when you need them if you are already 3 or 4 down on the list.

The same rationale applies to addictions - who is more important the drink, the cigarette or the beloved? Some fanatics will put food in the addiction category and though it is true that there are some food Nazis out there, they come in several flavors: the anti-meat, anti-vegetarian, anti-fat groups. Separate diets can be acceptable as long as they aren’t forced on your partners and as long as you still find her lovable.

Once the love is gone, for many more reasons than I can account for here, the glow is off and the magic is lost. In cases like these marriage is the financial institution that glues the money to the joint investments. Choose wisely or the divorce will be long and painful! As for me - I worry about others who don’t like poetry.

Love, Sappho

Lesbian Deal Makers


Accepting of Others

Politically Conscious

Actively Healthy

Spiritually Conscious


Integrity Generous

Open Minded

Partnership Tactics

Emotionally Mature & Available

Lesbian Deal Breakers

Lack of Respect


Politically Unconscious

Addictive Personality

Overly Religious

Closed Minded

Vanity or Arrogance

Cheap Close Minded

Bully or Pushy, Loves to test others

Emotionally Immature or Unavailable


Lezbelib is the online magazine that helps LGBTQ+ women to stay updated with entertaining blogs and breaking news about LGBT rights.