You have a connection to Aphrodite and a great understanding of love. I need advice and wisdom. I am a single Lesbian tired of drama and heartbreak. How can I find my soul mate? I know she has to be out there somewhere!
Longing for Real Love
It's important for us as Lesbians to make sure that we always uphold the stereotypes people hold about Lesbians.
You can do your part by making sure you sport a mullet at least once in your life, buy flannel shirts in three different colors and always be sure to wear comfortable shoes.
Whenever possible, hold your wife's hand in public and give her a kiss on the lips in front of a crowd.
Why do we need to do this you ask? Because it scares the crap out of straight people.
Raising kids is hard enough. Mix in with that same sex parents fighting against society’s standards of the family unit, videos on crack that are slowly replacing Sesame Street and schools trying so hard to be politically correct about everything that they are failing to teach our kids anything; and you have complete and utter chaos. Everyone has an opinion on the best child rearing methods but unfortunately every kid is not the same and what works for some may not very well work for most.
Every Lesbian in the world is separated by only three exes or friends.
You'll find proof at any event where Lesbians congregate. Tell just one person some interesting or exciting news and the Lesbian phone tree and cell phone networks will light up within 5 minutes to spread the news to everyone.
The whole world will know that you're single again before your profile loads on Match.com.
There's nothing more frustrating than when people base my sexuality off of the gender of my partner. My sexuality is independent of any particular individual and it should be respected as such. With that being said, my partner is a straight man, and identifies as being trans. I've known and loved him before he figured out this part of himself. It was a big thing for him to be able to tell me that he was going to begin transitioning. As his girlfriend, it wasn't a big thing because I was going to be there for him no matter what but, as a lesbian, I was confused and displaced because "I'm a lesbian, I don't date men"....I went back and forth with the idea of being with him, as a man. But eventually I realized that my love for him and our relationship is way more significant than my general "dislike" for men.
They may be lurking in a neighborhood near yours and you don't even know it. It's the Lesbian counterpart to the Stepford Wives...the Lezford Wives. They drive their Gaybies to play dates in their understated, yet overpriced, family-safe Volvo. They're dressed neatly in perfectly pressed khaki pants and a delicately starched pink or baby blue polo shirt with a very comfortable pair of designer shoes with low heels. Of course there will still be football on the TV on Sundays and a cold six-pack in the fridge at all times.
Somewhere in the world there must exist an institution where Lesbians can go to learn how to be a proper Lesbian.
There will be woodworking classes, workshops to learn all about the different types of denim and flannel, and an extra credit course you can take to help you make your work boots match your outfits.
The one class that is required by all attendees will be how to shake hands properly without crushing the crap out of everyone you meet.