We are always complaining, or at least I am, about not having the civil rights we deserve. Those complaints are valid ones. LGBT individuals can still be fired in most states simply because of his or her sexual orientation, gender identity, or gender expression. Same-sex couples cannot marry in most states and even when they can their marriages are not recognized by our federal government thus denying them over a thousand rights and benefits available to heterosexual married couples. Our LGBT youth suffer from bullying and homelessness at higher rates than their heterosexual counterparts. Any way you cut it, LGBT individuals and couples are at a disadvantage in a country that boasts "all men are created equal" (never-mind what this means for women, another story for another day).
Lesbian relationships can be fraught with all kinds of angst. Some of it is unearned and a lot of it is self-induced. Being friends with exes. How many of you just had your blood boil at the very thought of that? When someone is good friends with an ex, where there is that unbreakable bond, then that should be respected. I always wonder about the self-esteem of people who worry about their partner being friends with an ex. If the ex is an unhealthy person and causes your partner grief and sorrow then by all means step in with some advice. Advice being the key word.
Sometimes people need a “Come to Jesus meeting”. For those who don’t know what that means it is just simply saying that a person needs a serious no holds bar reality check. These are those last resort intervention type meetings. Although I write this column offering my advice it is ultimately up to the person posing the question to decide whether or not they want to take the advice I have given.
So why do I do it? Why do I post every week on the slim chance of someone actually listening? I do it because it is our responsibility as part of the lesbian movement to engage in the idea of community and help each other. Some paint, some lobby, some start organizations, and some preach on soapboxes on street corners. I write.
What do you do for the “cause”? Think about that as you enjoy another installment of, Just Ask Me…Spoken and remember that if you have a burning question that you need answered, contact me.
Another week has come and gone and I find myself once again in my favorite place, on my couch and reading letters with, yes you guessed it, a nice cup of caramel macchiato and a freshly lit ciggy. This week has been a doozy hasn’t it? With increasing gas prices and tragedy in Japan and along our coast I am starting to listen to the crazies on the street warning us to pay attention to the signs.
Please remember to take a moment of silence for those that are being made to endure these tough times and for those souls that have been called back home.
We've said it before, but good advice always bears repeating.
It doesn't matter if you have one vibrator or two. Everyone needs to have that one good friend that knows exactly what to do in case of an emergency.
If something unexpected were to happen to you, they will simply race over to your house, collect up all your sex toys and secretly take them away to where they can't be found.
Your mom will never even know they were there.
What a week…the only thing perfect enough to go with this moment, aside from international coffee, would be a glass of red wine. (And a cig or three!)
I will be the first one to admit that relationships are hard as hell. I would say that it doesn’t come with a user manual however with all the self-proclaimed fix-it-all’s with their own brand of relationship books for dummies would disagree. I can however state that it sure in the hell doesn’t come with a welcome basket.
Relationships are hard and maintaining them is even harder. What you have to decide is if you are up for the challenge. Sometimes giving up is easier than asking the question if you should or not. At the end of the day when she makes that stupid face, or sings off key in the shower, or rushes by your side before you even realize you’re falling, can be enough to stay.
It’s not easy ladies. But then again like our mothers always say, “Nothing worth having is ever easy. And Momma didn’t make no punk!”
So lace up your combat boots or slip into your stilettos, cozy up to my couch, and tell Spoken all about it…
Hello my lovelies, how have you been?
My apologies for the delay with this week’s column… technical difficulties with cyberspace…you know how it goes.
Thank goodness for the weekend, this week has been a doozy and from some of the letters I’ve been getting I can put my money on the fact that I am not the only one who has had a trying week. So with that being said, let’s jump right in.
I have been thinking a lot lately about life, direction, the state of affairs in our community, and my ability to go from one closet to another. During my mental overload I received a letter that helped to make me remember the simple things. Those little things that mean the most but are often overlooked.
I have talked about the all forms of drama that plaque us; sex, cheating, threesomes, dating, etc. Today I want to focus on what matters - love. I want to thank the person who sent me this question and offer my sincere hope that through my advice she will see the light through her darken forest.
Hello, Lezzies Spoken here once again.
Today we have a huge question so I am just going to jump into it. K?
Another week, another column, and another question...Hello my beautiful lezies, it's me again...Going through your personal baggage and helping you clean house. There's something about spring cleaning that brings relief, but along with it comes that moment where we must face ourselves and the situations that have bogged us down for years...
My solution for the maddening obstacle? Simple, bring me your junk, I'll sift through it, conquer it, and even send you a box of chocolates(okay maybe not the chocolates) But none the less I will help to make those burdens lighter by offering you a new and different perspective on the issues that are plaguing your life....
I want to talk about dating and how gender affects the process. Generally, dating is hard. There are so many aspects which go into a relationship: compatibility, willingness to compromise, similarities in values, and attraction, just to name a few. It is a struggle to find someone who lies within the parameters of what you are looking for and to fall within what that other person—who might fit all your hopes and dreams—is seeking.
People have certain expectations going into a relationship, and it is hard to compromise those expectations for yourself or to set yourself within those your partner might have. So what do people expect from me? Or really anyone? I feel like expectations have a lot to do with how you present yourself. If you present yourself openly and honestly, what you see is what you get, and you don’t have to worry about that conversation down the road of Hey, I think I might want to be a man or I have kids or any other form of surprise a partner might reveal once comfortable in the relationship.