Thursday, 31 March 2011 22:33

The Dreaded Ex

Written by  Jax

 

Lesbian relationships can be fraught with all kinds of angst.  Some of it is unearned and a lot of it is self-induced. Being friends with exes. How many of you just had your blood boil at the very thought of that?  When someone is good friends with an ex, where there is that unbreakable bond, then that should be respected. I always wonder about the self-esteem of people who worry about their partner being friends with an ex. If the ex is an unhealthy person and causes your partner grief and sorrow then by all means step in with some advice.  Advice being the key word.

 

 

 

You have to recognize that the beautiful woman you have chosen to be with comes with a history, stories, experiences and a life that began long before you hit the picture. Everything you love about her was made up of all these things. They are what make her lovely, decent and kind. The woman before you is a complete package, already full of life's wondrous happenings. She has had blessings you don't even know about. And blessed are you if she shares them with you. I can never understand chicks who can't listen to stories about the past, even her past loves. It tells you so much about her, why she chose someone, what made her stay even in the bad times, what makes her smile today in remembrance. It's her. It's her life and her story. Embrace it as you do her and you will have a healthy and loving relationship.

 

We love people because of some things and in spite of others. That's just life. We all have people from our lives, whether it be the present or the past, who have brought so much into our being, breathed joy into our souls. How dare we try to take that away from someone when it brings them happiness. How easy life can be if you embrace all they embrace and enjoy all their joy.

What is it about our girl's exes that we can't stand?  Is it that the ex got there first?  Is it petty jealousies?  Are we painting this bad ex scenario from our own history? Personally I think it takes time to become a friend with an ex, if the relationship ended amicably.  There are feelings to overcome especially if one was dumped by the other and the parting wasn't a mutual decision.  Trust me, I have exes i couldn't even fathom being a friend with because of the woes they brought into my life.  And then I have friends who were former partners/girlfriends who i couldn't imagine a life without them in it.  I also couldn't imagine myself in a relationship where i am told to not be friends with an ex.  Trust is an enormous part of any relationship, lesbian or str8.  If you don't trust your partner hanging with her ex then you just don't trust your partner.

Suggestions:

1. Get to know the ex.  That way you can see for yourself what kind of chick she really is.

2. If you are out on the town or having some alone time with your present girl put the cellphone down and concentrate on her. Solving your exes relationship problems should not be handled when you are stroking your own relationship.  I can see why some ladies would end up disgruntled if the ex takes first place during date time.

3. Show trust. So what if she goes out for coffee with her ex?  Trusting someone makes life so much easier and can put a 100-megawatt smile on your girl's face.

4. If you are not sure if making plans with your ex to hang out and talk would interfere with your current girlfriend's plans to do something with you, call your girl first before solidifying plans with the ex. That's called respect and it goes a long way.

5. Make sure your ex knows when it is not cool to call. Bedtime. Not a cool time to call. First thing in the morning. Another not cool time to call. Make boundaries and stick to them, barring emergencies of course,,,and emergencies do not include her need to ask you how your mutually-owned cat is doing when she knows you are out and about with your lady.

6. If you are an ex respect your former girlfriends current relationship.  In all ways.

7. If you are the current girlfriend respect the ghosts of the past. They are important to your ladylove and she needs them, for whatever reasons.

8. If you are in a new relationship respect your new girl enough to share with her that you are friends with some of your exes. That gives her the option to bow out or not bow out.  She may be super relieved to tell you that she, too, is friends with her exes.

Cheers sisters!! Be well, and just enjoy!