Sometimes we believe that our role as a partner in a relationship doesn’t involve being the support, back-bone, or even lecturer to the better half. Quite the contrary… Who better to lovingly nag you into doing something you refuse to do but should do but your girlfriend?
Relationships are a fickle thing. It requires a lot of give and take, the issue arises when it must be decided who gives and who takes. In a perfect world a relationship would run like a well-oiled machine; each piece knowing its place and being content with its role no matter how small. But when dealing with people egos get involved, personal self-worth is questioned, and sometimes being in the background can wreak havoc on a relationship.
No one holds all the answers but I hope that my bits of advice can aid in figuring out the complex inner workings of this great beast we call love. If you have any questions that you would like answered, no matter how big or small, do not hesitate to contact me.
Friday night I found myself headed for Myrtle Beach. I got a wild hair up my ass and craved desperately for peace and quiet and the only place I know that can calm my thoughts is the beach. It's something about the sound of the waves crashing on top of one another that ease my wild spirit.
Standing on the balcony of my tenth floor room and watching the moonlight dance on the surface of the ocean lead to me craving to write. So I slipped into my favorite pink and black knee socks and an ex's old sweatshirt and pulled out the laptop.
As I’m writing away my phone frantically starts vibrating disturbing my glass of red wine. My first thought was to turn it off but instead I decided to read the text. Which lead to me checking my email and reading not one but several letters from some of my readers.
Just know my sweets that I will never leave you hanging...at least not for too long...
What a week…the only thing perfect enough to go with this moment, aside from international coffee, would be a glass of red wine. (And a cig or three!)
I will be the first one to admit that relationships are hard as hell. I would say that it doesn’t come with a user manual however with all the self-proclaimed fix-it-all’s with their own brand of relationship books for dummies would disagree. I can however state that it sure in the hell doesn’t come with a welcome basket.
Relationships are hard and maintaining them is even harder. What you have to decide is if you are up for the challenge. Sometimes giving up is easier than asking the question if you should or not. At the end of the day when she makes that stupid face, or sings off key in the shower, or rushes by your side before you even realize you’re falling, can be enough to stay.
It’s not easy ladies. But then again like our mothers always say, “Nothing worth having is ever easy. And Momma didn’t make no punk!”
So lace up your combat boots or slip into your stilettos, cozy up to my couch, and tell Spoken all about it…
Sometimes people need a “Come to Jesus meeting”. For those who don’t know what that means it is just simply saying that a person needs a serious no holds bar reality check. These are those last resort intervention type meetings. Although I write this column offering my advice it is ultimately up to the person posing the question to decide whether or not they want to take the advice I have given.
So why do I do it? Why do I post every week on the slim chance of someone actually listening? I do it because it is our responsibility as part of the lesbian movement to engage in the idea of community and help each other. Some paint, some lobby, some start organizations, and some preach on soapboxes on street corners. I write.
What do you do for the “cause”? Think about that as you enjoy another installment of, Just Ask Me…Spoken and remember that if you have a burning question that you need answered, contact me.
Lesbian relationships can be fraught with all kinds of angst. Some of it is unearned and a lot of it is self-induced. Being friends with exes. How many of you just had your blood boil at the very thought of that? When someone is good friends with an ex, where there is that unbreakable bond, then that should be respected. I always wonder about the self-esteem of people who worry about their partner being friends with an ex. If the ex is an unhealthy person and causes your partner grief and sorrow then by all means step in with some advice. Advice being the key word.
I have decided that within the “closet” there are several little closets. Each with its own secret that not all identify with but many dwell within. There is a closet for those who identify as studs, those who dawn lipstick, those of us who were trapped and now want to be reborn in the proper flesh, those who teeter both sides of the rope, and many that fall into a spectrum that is as colorful as the rainbow that symbolizes us.
It seems that for many of us once we open the door of the first closet, usually the acceptance of our sexual preference, we then find ourselves trapped within another. The crazy part is that often time these closets are created by those who claim to welcome us with open arms…go figure.
I won’t pretend to have all of the answers; I think I have said that before. But I hope to at least be able to offer you some type of solace as you venture out of the door.
Another week, another column, and another question...Hello my beautiful lezies, it's me again...Going through your personal baggage and helping you clean house. There's something about spring cleaning that brings relief, but along with it comes that moment where we must face ourselves and the situations that have bogged us down for years...
My solution for the maddening obstacle? Simple, bring me your junk, I'll sift through it, conquer it, and even send you a box of chocolates(okay maybe not the chocolates) But none the less I will help to make those burdens lighter by offering you a new and different perspective on the issues that are plaguing your life....
Hello my lovelies, how have you been?
My apologies for the delay with this week’s column… technical difficulties with cyberspace…you know how it goes.
Thank goodness for the weekend, this week has been a doozy and from some of the letters I’ve been getting I can put my money on the fact that I am not the only one who has had a trying week. So with that being said, let’s jump right in.
I have been thinking a lot lately about life, direction, the state of affairs in our community, and my ability to go from one closet to another. During my mental overload I received a letter that helped to make me remember the simple things. Those little things that mean the most but are often overlooked.
I have talked about the all forms of drama that plaque us; sex, cheating, threesomes, dating, etc. Today I want to focus on what matters - love. I want to thank the person who sent me this question and offer my sincere hope that through my advice she will see the light through her darken forest.
Another week has come and gone and I find myself once again in my favorite place, on my couch and reading letters with, yes you guessed it, a nice cup of caramel macchiato and a freshly lit ciggy. This week has been a doozy hasn’t it? With increasing gas prices and tragedy in Japan and along our coast I am starting to listen to the crazies on the street warning us to pay attention to the signs.
Please remember to take a moment of silence for those that are being made to endure these tough times and for those souls that have been called back home.